May 6, 2014

Happy Mother's Day




Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers that have been impacted by premature birth, birth defects, and infant mortality.  This holiday is in many ways harder for us than for the “ordinary” mom.  Many of us have been through the fires and the storms of motherhood pretty early in our journeys as moms.             

To mothers of preemies, Mother’s Day carries special meaning because our children came too early like unexpected visitors to our door.  We were just starting to prepare for these little people to enter our lives but we didn’t have the nursery ready, we didn’t have all the supplies we needed, and we had no idea that the hardships of motherhood would come so early on.  I’m sure we all heard stories while we were pregnant about how hard being a mom can be, how toddlers will keep you running and how teenagers might break our hearts.  We knew to be prepared for that but nothing in a pregnancy book could prepare us for the NICU journey we were about to take.  We had no idea that it could be days, weeks, or even months before we could hold our children.  We didn’t know that when our children were the sickest, we couldn’t hold them at all.  We didn’t know that we could not give them their first bath, their first bottle, or many other firsts we would miss with them.  We weren’t prepared for the fact we would need to learn how to feed them from a feeding tube, stimulate them to breathe when they stopped, or that we wouldn’t hear them cry for months in many cases.  Many people tried to reassure me by saying that my daughter would not remember any of this.  However, I remember EVERYTHING.  Mothers like us look into the eyes of those 2, 4, 6 yr olds and we know what great courage and strength it took for those children to be here.  No, Mother’s Day is not the same for us.  We are not “ordinary” moms. 

Many of us have a hard time on Mother’s Day because our children are not with us today.  Some people don’t even consider us mothers because our children did not survive.  This day is many times painful for us because we ARE mothers, we DO have children.  Even if we can’t hold them in our arms, we hold them in our hearts forever.  On Mother’s Day, there is great focus on those daughters that have mothers in heaven but little or no mention of those of us with sons and daughters in heaven.  If you know a mom that has lost a child, please give her a special hug on Mother’s Day and let her know how special she is.  We may not be “ordinary” moms but we ARE moms just the same and we love our children dearly. 

For those of us moms that are raising children with special needs, Mother’s Day can be bittersweet.  We celebrate the precious blessings our children are in our lives.  But, we also carry the heavy responsibility of being our child’s advocates at every turn.  We spend countless hours making sure our children have all the therapies they need, counseling and special medical devices they may require.  As one person told me, we are trying desperately to fit our oval shaped children into society’s circle shaped holes.  They look like they should fit perfectly but they have special needs to allow them to be successful in school and in life.  We many times have to question our children’s doctors, teachers, and school districts to be sure our kids are getting all of the services they need to thrive.  The doctors, teachers, and schools may see us coming and think that we are no “ordinary” moms and they are right!

We have all watched our children struggle to survive and in some cases we’ve seen them lose that fight.  We are no “ordinary” moms.  If this Mother’s Day leaves you feeling all alone in your motherhood journey, please know that we are in this together.  We are EXTRAORDINARY moms and our children in heaven and on earth are our constant motivation for us to do more, love more, and give more.  I am glad to be no “ordinary” mom!  I’m proud to stand arm in arm with mothers like you that have been through some of the toughest days as moms and are still standing!
 

Happy Mother’s Day to you EXTRAORDINARY moms out there!

 

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