Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers that have been
impacted by premature birth, birth defects, and infant mortality. This
holiday is in many ways harder for us than for the “ordinary” mom. Many
of us have been through the fires and the storms of motherhood pretty early in
our journeys as moms.
To mothers of preemies,
Mother’s Day carries special meaning because our children came too early like
unexpected visitors to our door. We were just starting to prepare for
these little people to enter our lives but we didn’t have the nursery ready, we
didn’t have all the supplies we needed, and we had no idea that the hardships
of motherhood would come so early on. I’m sure we all heard stories while
we were pregnant about how hard being a mom can be, how toddlers will keep you
running and how teenagers might break our hearts. We knew to be prepared
for that but nothing in a pregnancy book could prepare us for the NICU journey
we were about to take. We had no idea that it could be days, weeks, or
even months before we could hold our children. We didn’t know that when
our children were the sickest, we couldn’t hold them at all. We didn’t
know that we could not give them their first bath, their first bottle, or many
other firsts we would miss with them. We weren’t prepared for the fact we
would need to learn how to feed them from a feeding tube, stimulate them to
breathe when they stopped, or that we wouldn’t hear them cry for months in many
cases. Many people tried to reassure me by saying that my daughter would
not remember any of this. However, I remember EVERYTHING. Mothers
like us look into the eyes of those 2, 4, 6 yr olds and we know what great
courage and strength it took for those children to be here. No, Mother’s
Day is not the same for us. We are not “ordinary” moms.
Many of us have a hard time
on Mother’s Day because our children are not with us today. Some people
don’t even consider us mothers because our children did not survive. This
day is many times painful for us because we ARE mothers, we DO have
children. Even if we can’t hold them in our arms, we hold them in our
hearts forever. On Mother’s Day, there is great focus on those daughters
that have mothers in heaven but little or no mention of those of us with sons and
daughters in heaven. If you know a mom that has lost a child, please give
her a special hug on Mother’s Day and let her know how special she is. We
may not be “ordinary” moms but we ARE moms just the same and we love our
children dearly.
For those of us moms that are
raising children with special needs, Mother’s Day can be bittersweet. We
celebrate the precious blessings our children are in our lives. But, we
also carry the heavy responsibility of being our child’s advocates at every
turn. We spend countless hours making sure our children have all the
therapies they need, counseling and special medical devices they may
require. As one person told me, we are trying desperately to fit our oval
shaped children into society’s circle shaped holes. They look like they
should fit perfectly but they have special needs to allow them to be successful
in school and in life. We many times have to question our children’s
doctors, teachers, and school districts to be sure our kids are getting all of
the services they need to thrive. The doctors, teachers, and schools may
see us coming and think that we are no “ordinary” moms and they are right!
We have all watched our
children struggle to survive and in some cases we’ve seen them lose that
fight. We are no “ordinary” moms. If this Mother’s Day leaves you
feeling all alone in your motherhood journey, please know that we are in this
together. We are EXTRAORDINARY moms and our children in heaven and on
earth are our constant motivation for us to do more, love more, and give
more. I am glad to be no “ordinary” mom! I’m proud to stand arm in
arm with mothers like you that have been through some of the toughest days as
moms and are still standing!
Happy Mother’s Day to you
EXTRAORDINARY moms out there!
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